Maybe it was a blessing in disguise?
Have you ever experienced overwhelming sadness or found yourself questioning your circumstances, wondering why this is happening to you and what you might have done to deserve it? Recently, I made a conscious decision to change my approach and show love and kindness to those closest to me. However, it’s disheartening to realize that those very individuals have been the ones to betray me the most.
I don’t expect accolades for these basic gestures of kindness, but I certainly don’t deserve betrayal either. It’s incredibly discouraging when you choose to lower your guard and invest effort into relationships with people you hold dear, only to be met with betrayal. The fear of losing them makes the betrayal even more painful.
These experiences have left me questioning everything. How can people pretend or deceive for so long? Will I ever be able to recover from this ordeal?
It’s frustrating when people suggest it’s a blessing in disguise or the universe’s way of making room for someone better. I am in this situation right now, and I cringe whenever someone says that to me. I kept asking myself, “Again, God? Can’t I find a genuine person who actually means it when they say they love and care about me, just this once?”
And that’s when I realized — I had always known what kind of person they were. Deep down, I had this revelation long ago, but I chose to ignore it in the name of love. I foolishly believed their promises to change, convincing myself that I was fortunate they were making an effort for me. I was lonely and desperate, and their assurances felt like a lifeline. As someone who had never experienced even the basic kindness from past partners, I was completely deceived by these false assurances because I desperately wanted to believe in them. I craved feeling special. The mere idea of someone altering their behavior seemed too good to be true, yet in reality, it was me merely asking for respect — a fundamental expectation. When I asked for respect, all they did was agree not to disrespect me. But the way they framed it, however, made it seem like an extraordinary sacrifice, when in truth, it was the minimum decency one would extend to a friend, especially one they claimed to love.
You know, readers, I’ve been reflecting a lot lately, and one thing I’ve come to realize is that life isn’t like the movies. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine with a tidy, happy ending. In movies, when the main guy friend mistreats the main girl friend who’s secretly in love with him or vice versa, there’s often a moment of realization followed by a heartfelt apology, leading to a fairy-tale reconciliation. But in reality, it’s quite different. The guy disrespects the girl, she calls him out on it, he apologizes, and she forgives him. However, this doesn’t magically lead to their happily ever after. Instead, it sets a pattern where the guy learns he can make mistakes and be forgiven repeatedly. He continues disrespecting her, and she continues forgiving him until either she’s taken for granted and loses all respect, or she reaches her breaking point and decides to leave — or worse, he leaves her for someone he will actually date. In any case, it’s the girl who ends up losing, while the guy ultimately loses out in the bigger picture.
Let me share this with you, ladies: forgiveness does not stop disrespect. Do you think he’ll appreciate your kindness and change for you? Let me tell you, speaking from experience as someone who was once toxic themselves, people don’t change overnight or for others. True change only comes when someone decides to change for themselves. He will never change; he will continue disrespecting you until one day, you stop loving him and only feel resentment and disgust. Break free from that cycle now, girl. He is not worthy of your love.
I stayed in that situation for so long because, despite his flaws, he wasn’t as bad as my previous partners who abused me. I thought to myself, “It’s not that bad; he’s just a bit annoying. Maybe I should accept him as he is.” But you don’t have to settle. In a world full of good people, you don’t have to settle for someone who sleeps with you but won’t commit, or says they love and care about you but their actions say otherwise.
You might tell yourself that even if he doesn’t like you back as much, you can stick around as a friend and he’ll eventually fall in love with you. But trust me, if he hasn’t fallen in love with you during all the time you’ve spent together, it’s not going to happen. Don’t waste your love on someone who makes you doubt your worth.
You can’t be friends with someone you love. If you genuinely care about them and still want to be their friend, move on first, and then consider coming back — but only if they truly cared about you. If they lied about loving you just to get your attention and validation, they are not worth it.
There are countless people out there who will genuinely love you. Don’t settle for someone who won’t buy you flowers or chocolates, won’t pay for your dates, or makes you beg for their time. You are worth so much more than that. Don’t let their “I love yous,” “I care about you,” or “I really want you in my life” deceive you. If they truly meant it, you wouldn’t be pleading for their time and attention.
It’s true that sometimes someone may not have romantic feelings but values you deeply as a friend. However, ensure this person genuinely cares about you and isn’t exploiting your feelings just to sleep with you or constantly seek attention and validation. This kind of dynamic will drain you in the long run, and you’ll never truly move on from them. The best thing you can do is walk away.
If you find yourself constantly questioning their love or care for you, chances are they don’t genuinely care. If you’ve expressed feeling unloved or misunderstood, and their response is dismissive or indifferent — like saying it’s your problem to figure out — then it’s time to run. They’re likely saying this to keep you around, so you won’t leave them. Don’t fall for it. You deserve someone who respects and values you without making you doubt your worth.
